Feeling Lost

 

I feel lost. 

I don't know what to do... I really just want to give up sometimes but honestly, I don't know what's keeping me from doing so. Fear perhaps? Of the unknown, of the known, of how people will react. 

I feel like a fish out of water. I'm out of my element. Trying so hard to fulfill my obligations, Yet feeling so unfulfilled and misunderstood. I wanted to share my thoughts, but I'm at the point where I know I will never be heard by the people I know should be hearing me. 

I want to get out! I just don't know how to start. I'm not sure how to go about it. Most of my money goes out to bills and paying for my kids education. I get no help, I get no support, I get nothing. 

I know I should get out, I know I should move but I don't know really how to start leaving this life I have made even though I feel so neglected, unloved despite the words continually being said, I know that all of those are nothing but lip service, but can it ever be anything more? 

I'm hopeful but its hope lost...