YES! We completed simbang gabi... 9 early morning masses but attending really did give me an insight to faith that I didn't have before...
It was sleepy mornings, some a bit warmer while others were cold. Some happy moments, there were ugh moments as well but all in all, attending simbang gabi was an adventure that indeed is something I'm quite proud of, it is not easy waking up so early in the morning, more so if you slept late the night before, but we did it and I'm very, very happy...
There were a few lessons learned along the way as well. A lesson in humility, a lesson in faith and trust, A lesson on living right and just, so many things but one thing I know for certain is that God's love is infinite and His mercy endures forever.
I know as well that I have a long way to go before I can say that I have an immovable faith just like Mary or Joseph and even Elizabeth and Zachariah. I know that I have a long way to go before I can face all my troubles and say that my God will save me.
I think I still need to develop my faith and still need to learn more. One part of me knows that God is faithful, just and He wants to prosper me and give me all my desires, but the more practical side of me questions how and even why... I feel like I need to do more in order to get more... I feel like I should offer something back in return for any favor I will ask, I feel like I don't deserve any "great miracle" that God can give me... Honestly, I know God's power and I know that if He wants He can give me everything I seek and more but as I said a part of me questions, why would God give me? Just because He loves me, the practical side of me says that this is not possible and the hopeful part of me hopes that He will and prove me wrong... that God's love for me is indeed big enough that He will give me what I want just because.
I realized that my own faith plays a vital role in this, I need to believe 100% that I deserve it, believe that God is REALLY willing to give it and believe that enough to stop worrying. Attending the simbang gabi showed me what was really missing in my life. Complete faith in God.
I realized how I was fooling myself and everyone around me when I utter words of faith that I don't really mean but even as I think I was fooling myself and everybody else, I wasn't fooling God and if I really want good things to start happening, I need to change my attitude towards God and give God the chance to really prosper me and my family as I want and as He wants as well.